surrender, its easier that way

Being vulnerable is one of the most horrible feelings ever. You put yourself out there trying to connect with someone and then they just throw it back in your face. It's at those moments that your faith and trust in God is truly put to a test. Questions and doubts fill your mind about whether there was a point to being completely honest. Will you get hurt once more when you are at your weakest point? Will you ever heal from the pain? Am I going to ever be able to trust again? In my head, I know that this will pass. I know that a couple years from now, none of these trials are going to matter. I know that growth and learning will come from this. However, my heart is crying out in pain. Screaming at my head for being stupid enough to let my guard down yet again. My heart says fight back, protect me! I just keep wondering, how many more times of this pain will I have to go through? How much growth can one person go through before they are 20? And then in fear, I ask, how much more will I have to endure? Most likely I am sounding very pessimistic right now. However, I also know that in every moment of stretching and time of pain, there is good that comes out of it. Each time I learn more and more about myself, and better yet, learn more about the greatness of God. This time at least, I have surrendered. I know that I am at a complete and utter loss when it comes to a solution to this. There is no way that I can do this on my own. I praise God for the growth I will experience. He is great. I trust him, he says that he will not give me more than I can bare.