scratch that

I often wonder why I do this to myself. Tonight is rebash...and I feel like an emotional piece of crap. I want to be home...acctually I want to be anywhere but here. I want to curl up with a cup of hot cocoa and just cry my eyes out. I am sitting here in black dress pants and a nice top and I just want to cry. I don't want to go out with hundreds of others and celebrate New Years. I just want to walk around campus and talk to a realy friend. Tell them exactly how I have been feeling and if I cry they won't care...other than the care that I am hurting. I guess that only friend I have is Jesus. But it's hard to get a hug from him. It's hard to cry on his shoulder. I am praying that God sends me that friend and soon. I don't know how much longer I can wait. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I'm so confused, hurt and angry!